"The Rainbow"

Original Essay:
Familiarity was "enough for the men" (1). Their power was automatic, and they never questioned what they had, because they just had it. Their power was generational, familiar, unknown. In D.H. Lawrence's The Rainbow, he uses polysyndeton, repetition, and rhetorical questions to compare the woman to the Brangwen men, explaining that she wants something different from them: knowledge.

From the very first paragraph, Lawrence emphasizes that "it was enough" (4) for the men to live the same thing day in and day out. She then emphasizes that they have "warmth and generating and pain and death" (7-8), which is enough for them. This polysyndeton extends the list of what the men have, individualizing each word to make it seem important.

The second paragraph creates a tone shift, and the real topic of the passage is revealed. As it shifts from man to woman, Lawrence compares the woman to the Brangwen men described at the beginning. The woman "looked out to […] the world beyond" (18-19), while the men were "unable to turn around" (14). The author immediately characterizes the woman as different. "She faced outwards" (22-23) "whereas the Brangwen men faced inwards" (27-28). She is different, she is a woman, although living in the nineteenth century she did not have any opportunity to show it.

The woman "also wanted to know" (38), and have the power to do more with her life. This is why the vicar interests her so much, he has what she has wanted all along. In characterizing the vicar, Lawrence repeatedly uses the word "other" (41). This repetition emphasizes that he is on a different level, and cannot possibly be categorized in the same way that her husband is. No, the vicar had a way "of being that made Brangwen […] seem dull and local" (49-50), and she wants this.

The woman does not want familiarity for her children and herself. "She craved to achieve this higher being" (57), and wants to know "why?" (65).

Score:
My initial score for this essay is a five. Allie Specht scored it in this way because I tended to be "thin in my discussion of how Lawrence employs literary devices," but I did identify the devices correctly, and responded with a very "plausible reading of the passage."

I agree with this initial score. I spent too much time in analysis and too little time on writing. I knew what I was going to write about, and which quotes I wanted to include to prove my point, but I rushed through the writing and did not get to conclude the essay with the quote that I had chosen. I did not elaborate and expand on the things that I said in this essay, which significantly lowers the score of the essay. I demonstrated "adequate control of language," and while I did take the time to organize my essay before writing, it was not as "developed as 7-6 essays." I think that Allie gave my essay a fair score. I began my essay sounding much more clear and focused than I sounded at the end, because I was not thinking about what I was writing, I was too focused on the time limit, and getting to the conclusion.

Improvement:
Luckily, I could do a lot of things to improve this essay. One of the biggest things that could have helped me from the very beginning is dividing my time accordingly. As I mentioned, I spent the largest portion of my time simply planning for my essay, and then ran out of time writing. The problem with this is that the AP readers, obviously, do not know what I was thinking, they only see the writing, and in my case my essay was not finished and ended quite abruptly. Aside from planning, I also spent a long time reading the passage. In the future I need to read slowly and write notes, and then read again for the full impact. Instead, I read through it twice, writing notes both times, and not taking my time.

A second thing that would improve my essay is expanding and thoroughly explaining my ideas. I do not have a problem analyzing how the author employs literary devices for their purposes, but more often than not I do not explain myself thoroughly enough. After every technique/device I identify, I need to explain what effect it has on the purpose. I believe that this will keep my score in the upper half rather than the lower half. AP Comp spent a lot of time focusing on the 'SO WHAT?' and I wasn't thinking about that when I was writing my essay. By focusing on the ' so what', my essay will offer a more "persuasive analysis" and will seem to be more "effectively organized."

The third thing that I can improve about my essay is identification of literary devices. I know what they are--so that is not the problem--but in this particular essay I believe that if I had identified more literary devices it would make a "stronger case for my interpretation." An 8-9 essay "considers a variety of literary devices," and I only included three. After some class discussion I think that I could have found more than just these three devices, and I also could have found devices that were more critical to the characterization of the woman. The devices that I identified were correct, but may not have presented a strong case for interpretation.